Unreal

Felt alive for another 15 minutes
listening to your voice on the telephone
long distance
low volume
sleep-warm
your smile in my ear

Last Chapter

The hotel room was lousily decorated.
Words like yours have been told to0 many times.
Responsibility is a much abused word for "It's over".
We felt obliged to go through the routine, one last time.
We were reading out of different scripts.
We were acting out lost causes
and the magic was gone like a sigh
and then we left without looking back.

Yesterday

You should have seen me
checking out all the waterholes in this city
to find you
but I did not find you.

Frankly, I don't know what I would have done
If I found you standing there
with a beer glas in your hand
and another name on your lips

Mind. Fucked.

You are without mercy.
You know for sure, as I feel in my bones,
how much I long for you
that my desire for you knows no limits

I'm tortured by my wish to touch your skin, just one more time,
one more chance, to see how your mouth is changing
and your eyelids shivering

I can almost, almost feel your hands on me
and the sweet weight of your body on mine.
I can still find your very own smell
hiding in the folds of those clothes, who have been banished
to the farest corner of my closet

I cannot rid myself of all these memories
it is not fair that we're still marching to the same old drum
and you can just go on, without me...

I have started a craving for pain,
just to feel alive again...
- I would prefer your teeth in my neck.

It would have been an act of mercy
to simply kill me right away
then letting me rot away in my misery
alone, without you.

Foolish

Tonight, in a certain light
I am almost beautiful
For you, for me, and
for the young blonde with the hungry eyes,
waiting for me at the bar

My eyes are painted, my mouth is aching
I am waiting
I am waiting
I cannot wait much longer for you
Will I feel you in my head,
watching me when the lights go out?

Will you watch me
when I undress for somebody else
when our bodies do the slow dance
or wouldn't you mind
or wouldn't you care?

Or would you be just amused
at how far I go
to attract your attention?

Suddenly, I am cold
within my painted flesh, so cold
I am trapped in it –
I am
too small
too honest
too much in love with you for your sophisticated taste.

Well, let it be announced for all:
I cannot change my skin, nor do I wish to do so,
I am glad my flesh attaches me to reality
and keeps my feet on solid ground.

Tonight I only travel with my mind, and
these wild feelings that I cannot shut off

I see you everywhere, find you everywhere

Can't get you out of my head.

It's over...

What was so earth-shattering about our affair
that I cannot rid my nose of your smell?

Wish I could tell you face to face
so you feel dirty and sorry, too:

It is not 'just fun'.
It's not a game, and you get hurt
if you invest some feelings.

Do you think it is for pleasure,
you handsome animal,
that I am screaming for your voice
and searching for your hands
in every bed, on every man?

Late Conclusion

Finally, I found you out:
Your are not my light.

Your are the shadow
following me everywhere
into the light, into the dark.

I wish I could scratch you out of my life
as I can undo these lines
with a simple stroke of my  pen.

(The morning after)

As a ground rule,
I have always tried to avoid
any morals that I did not share.

I have also never lived according to
any values dictated by others, except those
that my own brain has accepted, for good.

I have never tried to comfort strangers
or to be overly considerate to those undeserving
never, believe me, never

I have always tried to be tolerant
of other people's beliefs.
I have tried to be open and friendly and honest.

Ever since you looked at me
with your eyes that hold such a power
something in me is broken
as if I do not belong myself any more

I am asking you
please, don't take all this away from me.

Still, the only thing I know now is
I am addicted to your skin
and your smell, your sweat,
addicted to your kisses, that make me feel
drunken and wasted and uninhibited
and make me forget the pain that comes afterwards
when you are gone
and I will suffer like a rabid dog.

I know
it has meant nothing to you
but to me, it was the world.

Nightly Prayer to the God of Lust

Dear God,

destructive, burning, hot, tumbling,
decomposing, tearing, numbing, unleashing,
without measure and sense satisfying,
furious and desparing love

It, who has build a nest inside me
and will not leave me no matter what I try
Release your hold on me
or let me serve you
endure your judgement in tenderness and insanity
or, better even, let me be grateful for the torture
you hand out to me so endlessly and generously

but give him to me

just give him to me.

A New Day

Her face in the mirror is still beautiful, but deadly pale.
Her eyes are swollen - he will think she's allergic to something.
Looking at herself, she thinks: Who will miss me when I'm gone
If I would just walk out the door, get in my car, and leave.

Her sadness hangs around herlike a dark cloak,
Like the veil those muslim women wear, too big, too smothering....
She cannot feel a thing. Her heart has been torn out of her bosom,
He did it with his bare hands, so to speak.Her mouth is numb,
Remembering those lips that will never kiss her again
Her skin feels raw and cold and unloved.

She doesn't know how to bear the nights
And the days without him. Feels as Dead as her Love.

But as live goes on, without mercy in its beauty,
And she wants Live and not Death, she carefully puts on a mask of make-up,
Paints her pale cheeks with fire-engine rouge, anoints her lips with shiny gloss,
Takes a deep breath, lightens another fragrant candle, forgives herself in silence
And embraces the New Day

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